A bad makeover can happen to a good person.
Nothing good ever happens after midnight. That’s what my mother always used to say, and for the most part, she’s been right. But that still didn’t stop me from having a bit too much fun after the clock tolled twelve times the other night.
At about 2 p.m. that day, I looked like this*:
Makeup by me, hair by my incredible stylist ,Maryna, at Ulta.
At about 12:45 a.m., I ended up looking like this:
Yeah. That’s what really, really, bad makeup can do to you.
So how did I become the star in a bad makeover horror show? Let me back up a little.
Earlier in the day, I was perusing Facebook and saw a photo that knocked me for a loop. One of my friends — he is the burliest macho-man you can imagine — couldn’t say no when his daughter asked to paint his toenails, and he posted a picture to prove it. How cute is that?
Can you believe an 8 year old painted these toenails?
It made me wonder what my own husband will do when our daughter is old enough to ask him the same thing. (Who am I kidding — of course he will let her do it!).
Fast forward a few hours (and a couple of glasses of pinot noir later), and I had the most brilliant thought ever. What would I look like if I let a completely unskilled person attempt to do my makeup? I enlisted my husband and we set out to find out.
Now, though my husband has absolutely zero experience in applying makeup, I figured he had a little bit of a head start over other husbands. After all, he’s married to a beauty blogger, and he’s witnessed me putting on my makeup for over 12 years. He had to have picked up something during that time, right? Let me put it this way — it became clear that he had learned how to talk a good talk, but was sorely lacking in walking the walk.
The products chosen by my husband for my “makeover”
The rules of my newly created makeover game were simple — my husband should pick out makeup from my large stash and apply a look that he thought I would wear on a daily basis. I wouldn’t get to see it until he was completely done.
We started off with my hair pulled back and a clean face.
Remember, this is after midnight and I’m a little worse for the wear.
My husband decided that it would be best to begin with a heavy-handed dusting of bronzing blush powder all over my face, so “it will give you a nice glow.” This was my reaction after getting a peach blush by Estee Lauder applied all over my face.
Help! It’s only just beginning.
Then, he said he was going to tackle my eyes. He chose a quad by Smashbox and said he was going to use a deep purple in the creases of the lid, with a little bit of gold in the inner eyelids, again “to give you a glow.”
Peach face, purple shadow all the way up to my brows.
Looking prettier by the minute.
Then, it was time for eyeliner. My husband selected a green liner from bareMinerals, because “green will really make the purple eye shadow pop.” After he attempted to draw on liner all around my lids, jaggedly pulling and scraping along the way, I knew I had to grab my chihuahua for comfort.
Not even my dog could save me.
After finishing off my eyes with mascara on both my upper and lower lashes, my husband decided it was time to finish off the look with a bright coral gloss. It seriously took him about three minutes to apply it oh-so-carefully. Voila.
This is the final look of my “makeover” given by my husband.
The immediate “before” and “after” for comparison.
I really wish you could see just how bad this looked in person, because these pictures just don’t do my bad makeover justice. My face was a bright shade of terra cotta, my eye shadow was smeared all the way onto the sides of my nose, and my eye liner looked like a sightless toddler applied it.
After finally getting a look in the mirror to witness my husband’s creation, I fell into a giggle fit for about five minutes. And then I realized, for the millionth time, that my mother is always right, and nothing good can happen after midnight.
*My dear friend Kelly from Gouldylox Reviews says I look like the Italian Maria Menounos in this picture, and for that (and so many other reasons) I absolutely love her.
Photos: Andrew Houseman/BeautyXpose
The post Bad Makeover: When Your Husband Does Your Makeup appeared first on beautyXposé.
